Friday, February 15, 2008
Paint as a Metaphor for Mountains
I'm very good at mulling.
As my last post demonstrates, there are moments when I become frozen with indecision. What I realized as I was going to the paint store to buy another three samples to test on the walls, is that this latest struggle isn't really about paint. It's a metaphor, the symbolic, or physical manifestation, of something much larger.
For the past year I have desperately and sometime haphazardly tried to figure out where to move. My dream is to move to a house in the mountains. The only thing that holds me back is that I can't decide where to move. Okay, that's not the only thing, the other thing is my concern about my mother, Adele. (see my earlier post entitled, Adele and Me).
I have flown out west, to drive two thousand miles around Colorado and Wyoming. I have subscribed to daily real estate property listings from Evergreen, Colorado, Southwestern Montana, and one of my favorite places in the world, Lake Tahoe, Nevada.
Yet, with all this mulling, I have not been able to choose a place. There are nights, more frequent than not, when I wake up at four a.m. despairing that I will never move and rolling over to cry into my pillow a desperate plea to God for direction....I suppose that like my last post, I somehow hope for guidance from a higher power to provide me with the direction I seem unable to provide for myself.
Tonight, I have made a decision about paint.
I've chosen the gently warm as a summer breeze yellow that you see in the pictures above and below. It's called Cozy Cottage. Yes, that is the paper plate I used to paint the original sample on the wall. It's number in the twenty sample line up? It's number three. Interestingly, now that I've made the choice, I am completely at peace with it.
What does this mean in my quest to find a place to call home?
I hope that it means I will soon make a decision in this regard as well. Of course, I'm still praying for Divine Guidance. I'd love one of those reassurring 'open door' moments. At the very least, I hope this paint metaphor will translate into a similar epiphany: that given enough thought and focus, I will reach a decision on where to move, and that once I do, I will experience peace, and a good night's sleep.